Quicky’s Wipes Are Here for You, No Questions Asked
"Primping” isn’t exactly a priority on this side of the gender line, eh fellas? Sure, there’s nothing wrong with a good old top-down scrubbing, but that doesn’t mean we need a frickin’ hour and a half to do it. No, we’re a more time-conscious breed when it comes to de-funkification, which is why Quicky’s Body Wipes are the perfect solution for men on the move. Whether you’re looking for a quick rejuvenation of your downtown area or a complete overhaul, Quicky’s is optimized for both balls and body.
As we launch our latest creation, we hope to empower every man with the confidence that only a freshly renewed pair of man oysters can provide. For that reason, we’ve made sure that Quicky’s wipes are the perfect solution for every stinky scenario, bathroom or no bathroom. Still insecure about the word “wipes,” are ya? Trust us, these aren’t for babies – they’re perfectly equipped for man-grade odor. We’ll roll out the stat reel to prove it:
Extra Large Wipes
Wet naps are for sauce-drenched fingers, not for the rugged landscape that is a dude’s balls and body. Point being, you’re not going to get very far with a wimpy little wet nap – you need a larger wipe to cover that surface area. Every Quicky’s Body Wipe comes in an XL size, because we get it: You have fourteen and a half seconds before your date makes it to her front door. Rip open the package, pull out the wipe and go to town on yourself. Well, you know what we mean.
Cleansing Crystals – It’s a Thing
When you need a little extra “oomph” to take care of the dirt and dead skin, don’t worry, just flip that Quicky’s Wipe over and try the other side. We’ve added textured cleansing crystals for a more intense scrub, just like that sponge that you don’t do dishes with. We would say it’s like steel wool for your balls, but that sounds extremely uncool, so just think of it as a floor buffer! Yeah, so much better.
Cool Cucumber and Aloe for Your Balls and Body
Of course, all of the fancy micro-abrasion tech in the world will do you no good if your apple bag is left smelling and feeling fouler than before. No need to worry about tacky bowling-shoe-spray smell or itchy and irritating ingredients here, because we’ve made sure to formulate something very comfortable and gentle, just for your boys. We’re talking cool aloe and cucumber, for a clean and natural aftertouch that doesn’t try so hard. It’s natural stuff, so it smells good and feels great (especially on a hot day).
Oh, the Many Ways to Wipe
Alright, enough of the ticker tape. As you can see, Quicky’s Wipes are designed with your needs and your experience in mind. Speaking of the experience, think of all the scenarios in which these babies will come in handy:
- Before an interview
- During an interview
- Between work and your dinner date
- Between your dinner date and – you know
- After the gym
- Road trips
- Time outs
- Air travel
- Train travel
- Time travel
That’s just off the top of our heads! Hey, there’s another one for bald guys. Anyway, however and wherever you use them, Quicky’s Body Wipes are here for you. One wipe, and you’ll see what we mean.