“Plant-Based” Just Means “Five More Dollars,” Right? Wrong!
Even if you sit on them once in a while, you still love them. Your balls deserve to be taken care of, and not just any old products will do. We’ve all heard the phrase “balls of steel,” but in reality, your little supermen’s kryptonite is sweat, grime and odor causing bacteria.
The skin around your sack is highly sensitive, and it deserves the gentle care that our products offer. And yes, we get it. Both the cosmetics and supplements industries have had their hay day with buzz words and phrases like “organic,” “plant-based” and “natural.”
These companies pump their glittery glop full of nasty surfactants, formaldehyde and all kind of irritants that would send your pork dumplings running for the hills at the slightest touch. Then, they just slap a buzz word on the label, charge an extra 30% and send these test-tube abominations flying off the shelves.
Not up in here, my friends. Not when the prized baubles are in play.
That’s right. When we packed with plant extracts and essential oils we mean it. They’re not just some afterthought thrown in the bubbling cauldron to appease the masses – they’re putting in real work for your beautiful balls! Don’t believe us? Here’s your proof!
The Ballwash Life
There’s no need to pencil in a separate showering session to suave your scallops, because our Ballwash is gentle and strong at the same time, like an androgynous lumberjack. It can scrub down there and everywhere else you’re feeling gross.
We use nature’s maid, Activated charcoal, to scrub and cleans toxic compounds, grime, and everything else that makes a microscopic view of your nuts look like a Rob Zombie album cover.
We’ve also infused this glorious slayer of sack stench with several oils and extracts to nourish the skin, decrease inflammation and reduce irritation, like coconut oil, cucumber peel extract, Aloe vera and cedarwood.
Sack Spray: Your Mobile Funk Solution
Sack stench doesn’t discriminate based on where you are, so why should we? Take this pH balanced odor-killing spray anywhere you go to stay fresher than a fawn’s first fart. Whether you are de-stinking your “low-hanging fruit” or performing hazmat procedures after a particularly zealous doodie, spray away.
Our sack spray contains Zinc Ricinoleate, which sucks up moisture and fights odor at the same time. Every spritz of this magical goodness will also send a powerful and natural combination of witch hazel, tea tree, lavender, green tea and more flying at your twins to reduce itching, inflammation and odor.
Nut Rub for the Classy Gentleman
Even if you’re not frequenting Upper East Manhattan galas on a weekly basis, your nuts can still smell like a man about town. Our Nut Rub is a great way to lock in that fresh scent and keep the skin feeling great when you’ve got a hard day ahead of you (or behind you).
This sweet, alcohol-free nectar contains a luscious medley of nourishing beeswax, sunflower seed oil and coconut oil to reduce redness and irritation while protecting the skin from bacteria. To top it off, we’ve perfected a discrete, yet playful scent.
See? Told you we wouldn’t do you and your boys like that! The next time you’re feeling the burn or catching a wayward waft of foulness from below the belt, you’ll know who has your back. And your…you know.